The 60s

Civil defense incense Checkers the dog

Fucking in the woods

riots in the hoods

Hippies peace signs crashpads and pot

Groovy freaks getting high

Man on the moon

Come fly away in my beautiful balloon

Hendrix gettin down

Elvis getting fat

Man, would ya look at that


Metal Buildings

shipped Pre-fab, on a slab

in an industrial park

Roll-up doors, concrete floors

seen without remark

Sodium lamps, forklift ramps

a welder strikes an arc

it flashes bright, caustic light

blazing through the dark

burning smell, gaseous hell

the outside quite stark


The Animal Salesman

I went out, headed down the road

I met this guy, what a toad

He offered me a tabby cat

I told him I didnít need any of that

He grabbed my hand, said listen here

This may be a cat, but thatís a deer

If thatís no good, I have a horse

Iíll throw in the hooves, free of course

He even tried to sell me a mouse

I hopped in the car, went back to my house

Back at my home, I thought it through

None of those critters would ever do

I was standing by the bathroom door

thinking if thereís something more

I decided then to put an end to that

And went back to buy the stupid cat


ďBrendaĒ (A statistic in the works)

Womanís a drunken anemic disgrace

Has tangly hair, looks twice her age

She carries some beers in her purse

In case sheís stuck away from her place

Sheís spindly and sick, an addictís curse

Her liverís a cesspool, her brainís nearly dead

Four in the morning, she rises from bed

She never eats, only drinks and smokes

She clears a twelve case by noon

Three in the afternoon, sheís passed out drunk

By seven sheís back, drinking wine from a box

She comes by, two beers in her hand

Two more in her coat, to be gone soon

Singing a song by some forgotten band

Ranting about her husband, and money, and such

She passes out at midnight, up again at four

Such is the life of Brenda next door

Sheíll be dead soon, sheís too far gone

For the rest of us, life goes on

And sheíll be stiff, lifeless and dry

Thatís no way to live, and too soon to die


Why Iím no longer allowed in the All Nite Cafe

I stopped at a restaurant, was hungry, to dine

Went to this place with ďEATĒ on its sign

Waitress came over, her name was Jane

Her apron was yellow, with a huge gravy stain.

Said I to her, have you any fried chicken?

Said to me she, Iíll check with the kitchen.

She returned to my table, a look on her face

Said there wasnít a scrap in the place

Replied I, have you any fish and corn on the cob?

She said they did, and got on with her job

I waited a fortnight, and the fish finally came

It was the same waitress, Iíd forgotten her name

The fish was real gamey, and the bun was dry

I was so pissed that I began to cry

Then I grabbed my coat and ran for the door

The manager tackled me to the floor

They called the cops, who hauled me away

Ďcause I went to the restaurant and did not pay

I was told to never return to that place

I decided thatís fine, the foodís a disgrace


To the Colombians

Watch out for the DEA

Theyíre cominí to kill your crops today

Dropping poison from the air

To the kill the stuff you grow down there

Whether its food or cannabis

They kill it dead and never miss

Your children are starving, your landís a mess

Because of Reagan.God Bless!



Iím building myself beautiful home

Insulated with pink fluff and Styrofoam

I pick up the phone, dial the number

Order another truckload of lumber

The carpenters are pounding nails into wood

The sun is bright and the weather is good

The masonís at work stacking up bricks

He started work just before six

At noon the cement truck will arrive

A rotating bottle with a hydraulic drive

The cement flows like oatmeal and butter

Out of the truck through a metal gutter

Into a slab over the criss-cross re-bar

Encased forever where Iíll park my car


To the careless dog owners of the world

My word a tapered turd lying in the street

Mushy, brown lying down before my feet

Curb your dog, prevent a log from smelling in the heat

Iíll get pissed and my fist youíll surely meet.


Bathroom rhyme number 42

Here I sit on the John

Cold, tired and wan

Crafting a rhyme

Wasting my time

Passing a large torpedo

I shouldnítíve ate the whole burrito


Remedial Rocket Science

Back on Earth the roses Bloom

In an endless state of gloom

I sit here and fight a cold

Feeling as though my socks are old

Something New has Beatlesí songs

And Baywatch stars are wearing thongs

But I donít care

Its neither here nor there

For if I had to rub a duck

For a chance to try my luck

I sit and stare

At a padded chair

And wish I didnít know

About the radioís golden glow

With NBC on channel Five

Is Keenan Wynn still alive?

Or has he passed away?

On a dreary Saturday

I sit and watch my cousin play.

Can we finish this another day?


Crime Drama

As I wander through the desert

With a vat of turpentine

I sit and count my blessings

from my trip to Palatine

The man in the jacket

standing by the road

Is related by marriage

to the ghost of Tom Joad

I ask him for some meaning

He ask me for the time

Then tells me heís been stealing

I tell him thatís a crime

He said he bribed a policeman,

the one time he got caught

then ran away quietly

suddenly he was shot

Twas his partner, Billy Dee

Didnít pay him nothing

made off with a key

This is going no where

I think Iíll end it now

Go out to the barnyard

Knock over a cow